Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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