she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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