Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize