i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
