She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
