dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
