I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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