and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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