real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
