Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
