I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
