Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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