hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
