Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
