So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
