I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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