Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
