after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
