I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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