Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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