I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
