If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I smell stomach acid.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
