he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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