Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
