Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
