The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
