Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
