On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
