I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
