so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
