so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize