glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
