We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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