i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
