Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize