gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
