Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
