I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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