you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
