Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
