Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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