She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
