Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
