whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
