we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
