took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
