This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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