pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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