i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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