We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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