miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
