he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
