I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
