I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
