I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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