OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
