So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
