I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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