it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
