I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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