Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
