so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
