Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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