You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
