is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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