Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
