i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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