my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
