Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
