I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
