Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
