why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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