so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
