If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
