upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
