I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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