Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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